Friday 22nd April 2011: Yippee. Officially 12 weeks today. the foetus looks less like a pig/calf/rabbit:
An illustration from 1901.
Thursday 21st April 2011:
Staying with father for Easter. Having to write down what I eat to stop myself pigging big time. It took a lot of self control but yesterday I managed to eat this:
half and amaretti biscuit, porridge, and orange, and a slice of toast w boiled egg
Pasta with tomatoes salmon and avocado
Carrot cake
Pineapple (whole one)
Chicken pie, salad, cabbage, choc mousse.
That was hard too. Looks like I am going to be a free range porker.
Monday 18th April 2011:
Baby brain. Got the year wrong in last post. I just want to show you how stupidly massive my stomach is at 12 weeks. I know this is my second baby but jesus:
Monday 18th April 2010:
Dreams. God, I am having the darkest most vivid dreams. I dreamt last night that I was just about to get into bed when I realised there was a large, fat yellow and black snake moving in an around my duvet. It was huge. I caught it by the head. It was trying so hard to bite me straining it’s head around and wrapping its body around my arm and squeezing. It was so strong, and I couldn’t get anyone to listen to my pleas to kill it and my muscles in my hand were getting weaker and weaker. Then I dreamt one of my back teeth wobbled and I touched it and it came out, then slowly the front ones started wobbling and coming out too. I am a joy to wake up next to.. I tried to tell my boyfriend but he walked off as soon as I mentioned snake. ?
April. Friday 15th 2011:
famous one – eyed yoga peep from the woman in pink.
to be read in a calming meditative voice...
April Wednesday 13th 2011:
So I had my check up and they say I am about 10 weeks. Scan on the 26th (please don’t be twins). My stomach is like a balloon. I am told this is not possible by the doctors – love ‘em- but a friend says your body does this second time round. It thinks’ Oh god, yes I know what’s happening here, I know, I’ll get big immediately, and make that cute little belly button pop out in an obscene manner just for the hell of it’. So that’s that. I am suffering from general lack of enthusiasm for anything . All of the below symptoms still stand except for the randy bit. My boyfriend is so irritating because whenever I say I am tired he looks bored, and pulls a face that say’s, all at once “not as tired as I am so balls to you”and I swear he has started elbowing me more in bed and taking up my side by sleeping diagonally that I no longer wish to partake in anything remotely coitus based. He has also started eating more noisily. If you had been there today when he was shoveling a gherkin down his gullet whilst scratching his crotch you would understand. Anyway.
Food I hate:
Eggs Mushrooms
Nothing else I can think of, but if you want to make me suffer, force feed me a mushroom omelette whilst smoking a marlborough and farting.
I am looking forward to the 12 weeks being up so I can stop acting like Anne Robinson mixed with Gillian McKeith and perhaps I can be Zen Mum. Arse to that at the moment though. Got an Anti natal yoga class tomorrow, I bet that’ll give me the rage too.
Saturday 26th March 2011:
I called it Daily Pregnancy. The truth is I have bugger all energy, so I have been in bed by 9pm every night. I bore myself I really do!
Sypmtoms so far:
- Irritability: I am getting the rage over everything. Think PMT then x100
- Laziness: I didn’t have a shower today, and I know I won’t have one till tomorrow
- Fattness: I can feel my muffin top spilling over the top of my jeans I am sure I can. Unless another symptom is:
- Paranoia: Feeling like my boyfriend must automatically find other girls better looking than me because I am tired, stroppy, tubby-ish, can’t drink or eat smelly cheese.
- Random horny-ness: Through all the above I am really randy. ‘What a horrific combo’ I hear you say. Who fancies a pale tired angry, tubby, paranoid shag?
Monday 7th March 2011:
I am so sick. I have eaten 1 meal today and have even brought that up. I keep worrying about everything too. I had forgotten how emotional it is being pregnant. I even threw a small tantrum via the medium of hurling a pile of neatly folded towels onto the floor. Yuk what a princess.
Saturday 5th March 2011:
JESUS CHRIST I AM SO IRRITABLE.
Friday 4th March 2011:
Found out I am pregnant today.
Confession: I took cocaine 2 weeks ago and got quite drunk this weekend.
My boobs hurt, but apart from that I’m ‘normal’. Oh and hungry. I salivated over a picture of a McDonalds burger ad this morning. Gross.
I am still awake because I have not had my nightly glass of wine and cigarette. Otherwise I’d be asleep by now. Already missing wine.
